5 Ways to Create Stronger Connections
- 5 Ways to Create Stronger Connections
- 2020.06.03
So when was the last time you worte a handwritten notes? It’s probably been a while.
Technology is changing has changed the ways we communicate. You send emails, not letters, take text messages, not phone calls. you We order a delivery instead of cooking dinners in our kitchen. All in the name of efficiency. But here is the point, technology has made it easier to communicate, but it hasn’t made it easier to connect with other human beings.
I found that the secret to connecting in the high-tech, fast**-paced** text world that we~~'re living~~ live in, is doing a few small things the old-fashioned ways.
Write a letter. I have written thousands of handwritten notes. Thanking people for advice, thanking them for an interview . , It just is puts that extra effort to show somebody that you really care and that you are willing won’t to go above and beyond. Some advices for writing a thank-you letter is to really making make it clear to the person that you’re writing to the impact that they have had on your life. Talk about something specific, like "Thank you for the advice that you gave me**. It** is because of the advice you gave me, then that I am now doing thing extra x. People are looking to make a difference~~,~~ And so you can show someone that they’ve really the had an impact on the life you’re living and the life you’re pursuing, it could have gets out a huge impact.
Pick up the phone and dial. We**'ve** hired thousands of employees and I**'ve** personally called every single one of them to welcome them come to the Compass this family . I’m able to set the tone of really and make people totally know what I really want the company to be. Well Where, you know, people go above and beyond to make feel welcomed, and make to give people a sense of feels belonging. And sometimes I called people on their last~~-year~~ day of at work. When people leaves, sometimes they**'re more** move transparent than they ever were when they were still at the company. actually leaves the company. And so it’s a great opportunity to get a kind of feedback that it is very hard to get otherwise.
Ask interesting meaningful questions when you get outside of the office. When I’m travelling the country very single night, I will have dinner with people in the company. And I like to ask questions, like, what is your underlying motivation, what’s something that is will something happened this week that meant a lot to you?, and when you we go around the table, and people really open up, and are able to people engage**, it sets** a different tone. When people come back to the office, they can see each other and they know each other in a deeper way.
Answet questions with honesty (rather than abstraction). And you know how it feels when you go into an elevator and someone says, to go on to a letter, such as, “How was your weekend?” it could**'ve been the** ~~be like, ~~ best weekend ever, you could’ve met the love of your life, what you like, and you will say, “Good, how was yours?” If you want to connect with people, then you have to open up, I know I am not always good at it, and I imagine most people around aren’t. but that is why being open send us stand out so much because most people want aren’t.
Turn the video on. I would always recommend a video videoconference over a phone call, because that’s when you can see the real personality come out that they , when you**'re** on video, you**'re forced to be present** , it’s almost a forcing mechanism if is also a force to be in the a moment.
Nobody succeeds to alone, the more you can take time to develop genuine, authentic contact a relationships, the more you&&'re going to be able to** can realise your dreams. Because you’re gonna going to be able to take rest big risks and vyou could never~~ know that there’s a network of people to cheer you on and to some support your efforts.
5 Ways to Kill Your Dreams
- 5 Ways to Kill Your Dreams
- 2020.06.05
I dedicated the past two years to understanding how people achieve kill their dreams. When we think of about the dreams we have, and the dent we want to leave what are living in the universe, it is trying striking to seek how big of an overlap there is between the dreams we have and the projects that never happened.
So I’m here to talk to you about 5 ways how not to follow your dreams.
One, believe in overnight success. You know the in order story, right? The tech that take guy built a mobile app way and sold it saw a very fast for a lot of money. You know, the story may seemed real, but I bet it is incomplete incon. If you go investigate further, the guy has done then 38 30 apps before and he has done a is the Master**'s on the topic,** or a PhD. He is has been working on a the topic for a like 20 years.
It This is really interesting. I myself have a story in Brazil involced you that people think it’s an overnight success. I gone come from my a humble(简陋的, 低劣的) family, and 2 weeks before the deadline to apply for MIT, they land the flight I stucked at op processess I started the application process. And, volia! and I got it in. People may think it’s an overnight success, but that only works worded because for the 17 years prior to that today, I took life and education seriously. Your overnight success story , sorry, it is always always a results of everything you’ve done in your life through that moment.
Two, believe someone else has the answers for you. Consequently Constantly, people want to help out, right? All sorts of people, your family, your friends, your business partners, they all have opinions on which path you should take, "And let me tell you, go through these b this pipe." but whenever if you never go inside, there is are always other ways you have to pick as well. And you need to make those decisions yourself. No one else has the perfect answers for your life, and you need to keep picking those decisions, right? The b pipes are infinite, and you they are gone going to bump your head and it’s a part of spout to the process.
Three, that’s and it’s very subtle that but very important. Decide to settle when girl growth is voluntee guaranteed. so when your life is going to great, you have put together a great team and you have growing revenue, go renew and everything to settle set-- time to settle. When I launched my first book, I worked really, really hard to distribute it everywhere in Brazil. beauty every very , 2 With that, over three million people downloaded it, over 50,000 people for bought physical copies. When they I wrote the a sequel(续集), some impact was volunteed guaranteed. Even if I did little, sales would will be OK. But OK is never OK, when you’re going growing towards a peak , you need to work harder than ever and found find yourself there is another peak. Right, maybe if I did for little, a couple of 500,000 hundred thousand people would read it, that is great the already. But if you work harder and than ever, I convince it is can bring this number per up tp millions. That’s why I decided, with my new book, to devote go to every single step state of Brazil. And I can already see a higher peak. it’s There is no time to settle down.
Forth thing tip, it’s and that’s really important, believe that the fault is someone else**'s**. I constantly see people saying, “yes, I have these had this great ideas but no investor had the vision one has to invest.” “it’s a great product, but you know, the market is so bad, the sales didn’t go well.” or "I can’t found good talent, my team is so below expectations. " If you have dreams, it’s your responsilbility to make them happen. Yes, it may be hard to find talent, yes, the market maybe be bad. But if no one invested in your idea, if no one your products, for sure, there is something that is your fault.
Definately Definitely, you need to get your dreams and make them happen, and no one achieved their goals are go along alone. But if you didn’t make them happen, it’s your faults, and no one knows else’s. Be responsible to for your dreams.
And one last tip, and this one is really important as well, believe that the only things that matters are the dreams themselves. One says act Once I saw an ad, and it was a lot he talks to lots of friends, they were going up for a mountains ,it was a very high mountain, and it was a lot of work. You can see that they were sweaty and this was tough. And they were going enough up, and they finally make made it to the peak. And Of course, they decided to celebrate, and they celebrated, “Yes! We made it! We are at the top!” Two seconds later, one looked looks at the each other , and syas said, “OK, let’s go down.”
Life is never about the golden goals themselves , life is about the dreams journey. Yes, you shouldn’t drive enjoy the golden goals themselves , but people think that you have dreams and whenever you get to reaching one of those dreams**, it’s a magical place where happiness will** some magic placed would happen all over around. But achieving a I the dream is a momentary sentation,(感悟) section and your life is not. The only way to really achieve all of your dreams is to fully enjoy every step of your journey. That’s the best way. And your journey is simple, it is made of steps . Some steps will be right on. Sometimes your you will trip. If it is right on, celebrate. Because some people will wait a lot lose to celebrate, and if you tripped, turn that into there is something to learn, if every step becomes something to learn~~,~~ or something to celebrate, you will for sure enjoy the journey.
So, 5 tips, believe in overnight success, believe someone else has the answers for you, believe if if voluntee that when growth is guaranteed, you should settle all down, believe that the fault someone else**'s** and believe that only the goals themselves matter. Believe me? If you do that, and you will destroy your dreams.
5 Ways to Listen Better
- 5 Ways to Listen Better
- 2020.06.10
We are using losing our listening, we spend roughly 60% of our communication time listening. But we’re not very good at it, we retain just 25% of what we hear. Now, not you, not this talk, but that is generally true.
Let’s define listening as making meaning from sound, it’s a mental process, as and it’s a process of extraction.
We use pre pretty cool techniques to do this, one of them is pattern recognition. So in a cocktail party like this, if I say, “David, Sarah, pay attention!” some of you just sat up. we recognise patterns to distinguish noise from signals, and expressions our made especially our name. Different thing Differencing is another technique we use while this pic pink noise on for more than from a couple of minutes, you will li see would literally（adv. 逐字地; 照字面地；确实地, 真正地） cease (停止) to hear it. We listen to different differences , we discount sounds that remain the same.
And then there is a whole range of filters. brain of , These filters take up us from all sound down to what we pay attention to. Most of people aren’t entirely partly unconscious of these photos filters. But they actually action they create reality in a way because they tell us what we**'re** paying attention to right now. I will give you one example of that. attention Intention(意向，意图) is very important in sound, to in listening. sound and listening. When I married my wife, I promised her I will would listen to her every day and as if for the first time, now that’s something I to show fall short of off on the a daily basis.
But it’s great attention intention to have in a relationship.
But that’s not all. Sound places in space and in time. If you close your eyes right now in this room, you**'re** won’t aware of the size of the room from the rewavation reverberation(反响，回响) and they the bouncing of the sound of off the surfaces; And you**'re** aware of how many people are around you, because of the micro-noises you**'re** receiving. And sound places us in time as well, because sound always has time and embedded in it . In fact, I will would suggest that our listening is the main way that we~~'re experiencing~~ experience the flow of time from past to future. So, “sonority (响亮) is time and meaning”–a great quote.
I said at the beginning, we are losing our listening, why did I say that? Well, there are a lot of reasons for this. Why do we lose for it? First of all, we invented ways of recording, first, writing, then ordinary audio recording, and now video recording as well. The premium on the accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared. Secondly, the world is now so noisy , with this cacophony(杂音) when this is going on visually and auditorily, it’s just hard to listen, it’s tiring to listen. Many people take refuge (庇护)in headphones, but they turn big, public spaces like this, shared soundscapes（音响范围,音景）, sound skipped into millions of tiny, little personal sound bubbles. In this scenario, and listen our area nobody is listening to anybody.
We’re becoming inpatient impatient. We don’t want oratory (辞藻华丽的言辞) anymore , we want sound bites. And they are the art of conversation is being replaced – dangerously, dangerly I think-- by personal broadcasting. I don’t know how much listening where there is in this conversation, composation which is sadly very common, especially in the UK. We’re becoming desensitized(不敏感，脱敏) dis. Our media have to scream at us matters with these kinds of headlines in order to get our attention. And that means it is hard for us to pay attention to the quiet , the subtle(敏感的, 敏锐的, 有辨别力的) subtitle , the understated .
This is a serious problem that we’re losing our listening. This is not trivival, because listening is our access to understanding, conscious listening always creates understanding, and only with our without conscious thing listening can these things happen. And what A world where we don’t listen to each other at all that the is a very scary place indeed. So I’d like to share with you 5 simple exercises, tools you can take away with you, to improve your own conscious listening, would you like that? Good.
The first one is silence. Just 3 minutes a day of silence is a wonderful exercise to reset your ears and to recalibrate(重新校准) it, so that you can hear the quiet to get again. If you can’t get absolute silence, go to for quiet, that is absolutely fine sounds very fun.
Second, I call this, the mixer. So even if you**'re in a** noisy environment and like this, and we spend a lot of time in places like this, listen in the coffee bar to and , how many channels of these sound can I hear? How many individual channels in that mix you can hear am I listening to? You can do it in a beautiful place as well, like in a lake, how many birds am I hearing? Where are they? Where is their reports are those ripples(起潺潺声;波纹，涟漪)? It’s a great exercise for improving the quality of your listening.
Third, this exercise I call , “savoring,”(仔细品味) and this is I a beutiful exercising exercise. It’s about enjoying Monday mundane(世俗的，平凡的；世界的，宇宙的) sounds. This, for example, is my tumble dryer(滚筒式烘干机) driver. It’s a worth waltz, one two three, one two three, one two three, I love it! Or just try this one for size. exercise, Wow! So Monday mundane sounds can be really interesting if you pay attention. I call that the "hidden choir(合唱队) quiet, it’s around us all the time.
The next exercise is probably the most important of all of these, if you just take one single way thing away. This is listening positions–The ideal idea that you can move you your listening positions to work whar’s appropriate to what you**'re** listening to. This is a plan playing with those filters. to member Remenble I give gave you those filters? to giving something place It’s starting to play with them as levers, to get conscious about them and to move to different places. These are just some of the listening positions, or scales we are scare of listening positions**, that** you could can use. they There are many. Have fun with that**. It** is very exciting.
And finally, and I an acronym(首字母缩略词) , you could can use this thing in listening , in and communication. If you are in and any one of those roles –and I think might that probably is everybody who is listens listening to this talk. The acronym is “RASA”, which is the Sanskrit words for “juice” and "essence . And RASA stands for Receive, which means pay attention to the person; Appreciate, making little that can ignore noises like “hmm”, “Oh”, “OK”; Summarise –the word was “so” is very important to in communication; and Ask, ask questions afterwards .
Now, sound is my passion , it is my love life. I wrote a whole book about it. So I live to listen. That’s too much to ask for most people. But I believe every human being least needs to listen consciously in order to live fully for live,**–**connected in space, and in time to the physics physical world around us, connected in understanding to each other, not to mention spiritually spirits connecte,d because every spirit spiritual path I know of has have listening and con contemplation(沉思，意图，期望) is hard at its heart.
That is why we need to teach listening in our schools as a skill. Why is it not talk taught? It is crazy, and if we can teach listening in our schools, we can take our listening or off slippery(狡猾的，滑的) slope to danger that dangerous, scary world that I talked about, and move it to a place where everybody is consciously listening all the time, please or at least capable of doing it that.
Now I don’t know how to do that. But this is TED, and I think the TED community is capable of anything, so I invite you to connect with me, connect to each other, take this mission out. air, And let’s get listening in schools, to and transform the words world in one generation to a conscious , listening world**–**a world of connection, a world of understanding, and a world of peace.
Thank you for listening to me today.
